outta the mouth of babes

[Briii]

*lol*

Are kids getting smarter these days or what?

[heidi!]

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she
should keep the
chips and dip coming.
--Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they Grow up who they're going to marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get find out later who you're
stuck with.
--Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
--Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You Got to be a fool to get married.
--Freddie, age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on Whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
--Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
--Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
--Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. --Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
--Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich. --Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to >>mess with that.
--Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them
and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
--Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all
grossed out.
--Theodore, age 8

It's better for girls to be single but not or boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
--Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
--Kelvin, age 8

"And the #1 Favorite is........"

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
--Ricky, age 10

[Më£ïñÐa]

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went
up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever
reached Canada.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female
moth.

In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits,
and threw the java.

Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a
success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted
"hurrah."

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was
the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis
Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a
great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic.
His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's
Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many
people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was
responsible for all this.

"little" mistakes made in school:

The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

Syntax is all the money collected from sinners.

Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.

A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 opossums.

Classroom Bloopers
3rd and 4th Grade Classes

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other leg.

The body consists of three parts...the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five...a, e, i, o, and u.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.

For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.

For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.

A blizzard is when it snows sideways

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"Do you take this man to be your awful-headed husband?"

"Nana, your skin doesn't fit!"

When Terry's son was 5 they introduced him to a family favorite: saurkraut and dumplings. He tried a few bites, then put down his fork and proclaimed: "I don't like this sour crap and dumb things!"

Little boy: At work, my mommy works on a puker. Teacher: A what? Boy: You know, a commode! Teacher: Is she a plumber? Boy: No, she mashes those keys that write on a TV set!

"Why are you putting that on your face, Mama?" she asked. "It's supposed to make me beautiful," her mother said. "Well," Glenda blurted out, "they lied to you, Mama!"

It was a beautiful day and Kahleah was fascinated with all the activity on the lake, including a boat pulling a water skier in the distance. "Hey, Mom," Kahleah said, "look at that man trying to catch the boat!"

One day when Harper said "Oh my God" Christina said he should say "Oh my goodness" instead. She added that saying "Oh my God" is only appropriate in prayer. The other day he came home with a new word: "Butthead." In nouncertain terms, Christina told him it was not a nice thing to say, and she didn't want to hear it any more. "Okay, Mom," Harper said, "unless I'm praying!"

DAVID, looking at a statue of Our Lady of Grace: "Look--MOMMY Batman!"